The Department of Whopping Porkies is rebuked as claimants suddenly develop mysterious superpowers after being sanctioned

 

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Courtesy of Robert Livingstone

We all know that the Tory welfare “reforms” are the gift that just keeps on giving. Various people from an alternative universe where benefit sanctions and starvation actually work to motivate have told us so. I think in that universe you can see Skinner and Pavlov’s house.

I digress.

My recent benefit sanction really worked wonders. I was so delighted to be chosen for this special treatment by the government, and for no reason in particular. I really don’t deserve it. I have now developed spectacular superpowers as a result, and a special liking for hospital food. Every time I have a hypoglycemic attack coz I have no food, and a bout of Raynaud’s because I’ve no electricity or gas, hey presto, I get rushed into hospital where I can eat and eat until my belly is full. And there’s even heating! I couldn’t manage that with my benefit. And no worries about becoming homeless now I have a near-permanent bed. My life is transformed!

I thought I’d developed a superpower for seeing around corners as well, but it turns out that I’ve just developed a squint because I can’t afford new spectacles.

Here are some more lucky people who have been touched by extraordinary life-changing experiences through the multi-dimensional DWP:

Simon John Duffy I just wanted to share my testimony and thank the DWP for helping me to understand the true meaning of social justice. For so long I’ve simply not understood the wisdom of their policies. But now I see the light.

[You couldn’t make it up! Oh, wait, it’s the DWP, that’s what exactly they do – just make things up.]

Aug 18  Here’s the s best case study by far…. Meet Iain….

  Aug 18  More amazing case studies from the . Bill & Ben, their story is a real example to us all!   Aug 19 Shame on the government for using . Perhaps they should try featuring , like Steven’s.

Aug 18  Poor old Walter’s story is even more heart breaking

  Since sanctions forced me to go on the game, I have gained new confidence in my naked body! IDS is Gok Wan for povs!

Aug 18 Wargrave, England After the DWP convinced me my brain damage was “all in my head” I have learnt to apply germoline up my nose to fix my brain.

Aug 21 Who News: Benefit breakthrough on an intergalactic scale!

Aug 21  And now the REAL fictional characters are speaking out…

Aug 18  Without my non-intrusive Work Capability Assessment I would never have known my Parkinson’s diagnosis was merely a cold.

And a favourite tribute to the great innovator:

Of course, Iain Duncan Smith tells a great success story. Somewhere in the multi-verse of infinite possibilities. For example, there’s the lie account of his education and qualifications, as stated in his biography on the Conservative Party website, his entry in Who’s Who, and various other places, which make the claim that he went to the Universita di Perugia in Italy. In an alternative universe, unfortunately, Mr Duncan Smith’s office has been forced to explain to Newsnight researchers investigating his academic background that he didn’t get any qualifications in Perugia, or even finish his exams. His statements about the qualifications are simply examples of his remarkable superpowers. And his multi-lives and mega-talent of trans-dimensional travel.

It was also claimed that he was “educated at Dunchurch College of Management”. In fact, in this universe, Dunchurch was the former staff college for GEC Marconi, for whom he worked in the 1980s. Mr Duncan Smith’s office was forced to admit said that that he did not get any qualifications there either, in this universe, but that he completed six separate courses lasting a few days each, adding up to about a month in total. See what I mean? Extraordinary  superpowers! (See Newsnight reveals ‘inaccuracies’ in Iain Duncan Smith’s CV ). It’s easy to see why Mr Duncan Smith has made it his very own superpower campaign to “monitor” the BBC forleft-wing bias.”

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23 thoughts on “The Department of Whopping Porkies is rebuked as claimants suddenly develop mysterious superpowers after being sanctioned

  1. Duncan-Smith’s life has been based on lies and dishonesty, and I firmly believe that this dishonest propaganda emanates from the top – in other words from dishonest Duncan-Smith.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. The horrors just go on and on. I have Raynaud’s too, as part of C.R.E.S.T. (or limited cutaneous systemic sclerosis) but it was the Raynaud’s that began first. I just knew we had more in common than just having a disabling condition!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Me too. I had Raynaud’s as a teen, but just in my feet, and I didn’t know what it was, only that they were permanently cold and sometimes painful in the winter. Then in my early thirties, i developed it in my hands, mostly the left at the time. My Gp diagnosed Raynaud’s and with other symptoms, he also said he thought I had Lupus. Five years ago, I devloped it in my knees, ear lobes and nose as well. Thermal imaging and a capiliary examination were done at the Freemans hospital. Definitely Raynaud’s and certainly Lupus.

      I know a little about CREST and Scleroderma, and I know how severe it can be. Hugs and love to you, hun xxx

      Liked by 2 people

  3. IDS’ downfall is beginning, his fall will be spectacular, celebrated even more than Thatcher’s demise and descent into the icy wastes of Hell.

    Has anyone found a job on Universal Jobmatch ? I haven’t, oh and that’s being scrapped next year as a complete failure…

    Liked by 1 person

  4. He’s claimed the fake leaflets were issued by civil servants without his knowledge…which is a bag of horse manure..no departmental publicity goes out without being signed off by The Minister…But I don’t expect BBC or Sky will ever point that out in public 😦

    Liked by 1 person

  5. All we can hope for is that Idiot Dunkin’ Shit, develops, Lupus, Chronic arthritis, leprosy and anything I have left out, that his father in law kicks him out and he fails to get an MP’s pension, and has to live on the streets and beg like so many others this evil corrupt government has forced so many of us into.

    Like

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